Fasting Feasting

Campus... Rampus !

Had been to a Campus recruitment drive for my office at a deemed university in Coimbatore over the weekend, as much as i hated going there! I enjoyed a lot, met people who i thought exsisted only in films or books !

Everyone i met had a story to tell, some funny, some boring, some cute, some sad, some touching.

Few Excerpts....

**The Shy Guy**

A guy has written in Cv under personal qualities :Extrovert, confident, friendly.

During the interview I asked him,Tell me one bad quality about yourslef.

HE : I am a very shy person sir
ME : But you have wriitten you are an extrovert,friendly person!
HE :I am a shy extrovert sir.
ME : What is a shy extrovert?
HE : Me sir.
ME : Then why do u think you are an extrovert?
HE: I like talking to people sir.
ME : But you said you are a shy person.
HE : Yes sir, that's why I don't talk to them
ME : You are confusing me now
HE : Yes sir
ME : You agree you are confusing me?
HE : Yes sir !
ME : And why r u doing that?
HE : That's one more bad quality in me sir when I talk I confuse people. So I am shy
ME : Ah !!!!!!!

** The lover Boy **

ME: Tell me something about yourself, your personality,the kind of person you are?
HE : I like making friends !
ME : So... How many girl friends do you have?
HE : Three !
ME : Three !!!!! ?
HE : Yes sir
ME : You have three girl friends ? What did you join college for? Studying or flirting!!!
HE : No sir I don't flirt...
ME : You have 3 girl friends and you say you don't flirt ?
HE : Yes sir
ME : So you plan to marry all three...
HE : Oh no sir... I don't have lover... Just girlfriend !!

*****
ME : Why should I hire you?.
SHE :Because I am giving the interview.

******
ME : Why should I hire you?.
SHE :Because you are asking me tough questions which I am able to answer.

***
ME : Why do you want to join IT
HE : Because no other company comes for campus interviews

Fish Curry, Chappati...........

Some people touch our lives in such a special way that we remember them for life. They may not have bought you monetary gains, not done anything great. Come to think of it, they would have actually done nothing at all. On the contrary, they would have lost something of their own in the bargain. Their time, their money maybe. We would never know, these kind of people are such, they would not let you know.

I do not have anything to repay their kindness, love they had for me. A complete nobody for them. Hence This. Written with all my love and gratitude.

“Maushi” (loosely meaning Aunty), I knew you for less than four months of my life. You would have come across hundreds, if not thousands of care-free guys like me who came to your canteen in the busy industrial area in a small town of Goa. For most of the time I knew you, you were nothing but a shadow for me, moving about busily in the dark kitchen of the canteen where I came to eat food every day for 4 months, noon and night. I just saw you move around ever so busy, Saree tucked in the typical Maharashtrian way, sweaty, tired maybe. Busy arranging dishes for the lunch and dinner time rush. I never once bothered to peep in to check how you look, how old you would be.

I was busy. Busy thinking. Thinking that you have made the Chapatti (Indian bread) even thinner today, the curry you have made would be full of water. What you would have plotted to cheat us of the 18 rupee that we pay for the food.

After about 15-20 days of regularly cursing the food, yet coming there to eat daily as I had paid up-front for the full four months. You once peeped out of the kitchen, to check me out. A regular guy. I thought you would have asked yourself; Oh! This guy will not miss one day’s food haan, every day he will turn up as he has paid upfront, I think he will eat every paisa worth of food!

Instead, you asked me “Pora, Jevat nai ka barobar, Kiti Bareek Disto hai?” (Son, are you not eating well? You look very pale) and I again thought you are just making small talk to ensure, I do not ask for a refund and walk off. Just making sure you don’t lose out on ‘Money’!

Then I dint come for two days in a row, I thought you would have been happy. When I returned:

“Kuthe Gela hota, Bara hai na tu?” (Where had you gone, Hope you are well!).

“Bara hai mee! Phiralya gela hoto.”(Am well, went for sight seeing!).

I could not sense the genuine concern and care in your question or your voice. I did not even bother to see you in the eyes; maybe I would have seen something.

One such night, I came in famished. I can still smell the watery fish curry you made that night. The four chapattis of the standard dinner plate were over in less than a minute from my plate, before I could raise my head; I saw your hand put two more chapattis in my plate. With a pang of guilt hitting my tummy, I ate the two chapattis you put in my plate. I would pay for it anyway, Big Deal!!!.

“3 mahine rahnaar hai ikde, aankhin barik jhaala, tujhi aai mhanel barobar kalji ghetle nai maushi ni” ( 3 Months you would be here, if you become any more thinner by the time you go from here, you mother will say Maushi did not take care of my son)

No matter how much I think about it, I wonder how the food tasted so much better from the next day, the chapattis were just fine, the water from all the curries just disappeared. And I do not know if it showed or not, But I am sure I smiled when I was eating food there, everyday since then.

“Kai Maushi; Kashi Aahe?” (Hello Maushi, How are you)

“Me Bari hai pora, tu sang, Bhook lagli? (I am OK son, tell me are you hungry?)


Even when i asked about you, The question as an answer was about my well being. Suddenly I saw you; I could see the genuine care with which you asked me if I am hungry. It was not just a question. It made a difference to you didn’t it?

Every time you made the fish curry I had so-loved, you never forgot to put the 2 extra chapattis in my plate. Somewhere down the line, you stopped charging me for those extra chapattis. The fish curries started to have more fish pieces floating in them.

“Ithun 2 Kilo jasti gheon jaa, mala changl vatel” (Gain at least 2 more kilos before you go from here, I would feel better)

4 months ended in a jiffy. It was suddenly my last dinner there and I had a bus to catch the next morning, there was the best fish curry again in my plate, with the 2 extra chapattis, and touch of ghee on them. And the Sweet, a nice small piece of Barfi, Coated with love. I selfishly have taken to believe that I am the only person who would have ever gotten a Barfi piece in your canteen.

I touched your feet, and gave you a tight hug. You moved your hands over my head, blessed me for what I was and pardoned me for all the wrong thoughts I had for you and your canteen. With that, I walked out, Never ever to see you again. It is eleven years this month.

Maushi, I have moved on in life. If I ever come back to goa I may never eat in the kind of canteen you run, I would probably be on a corporate card dining in a star hotel, where one chapatti would cost more than what you fed me lunch for. A place where I am sure the waiter / cook would care two hoots If I am hungry, I am sure he would not let me have 2 chapattis for free because I liked the fish curry he fed me. I am sure he is not bothered if I do or do not put on weight. But I am sure no one can make the fish curry as good as you did.

Maushi, I hope you had a nice life since. I am sure you would have. You would have the good wishes of hundreds of people like me. People who did not care for your good deeds then, but have again and again remembered and thanked you. I am also sure; you did nothing to get gratitude in return. But there is absolutely nothing I can give you in return anyway.

Except maybe a big Thank You.


PS> Maushi, I have finally put on weight. From the skinny, lean 52 kilo guy to a healthy 70. The chapattis worked for sure :-) Thank you once again.

Police... Somebody Call the Police Please......

My day always begins with the cab that takes me to office arriving late. The same happened a couple of days back and I was waiting for a good 15 20 minutes for my pilot to arrive.

I have observed in Bangalore that whenever the idle time or waiting duration is more than 15 minutes, it calls for a "by-two" (tea) at the nearest tea stall. So off I went to Murugan tea stall.

As I was busy sipping tea from my plastic cup, which I have been told has to be held in a very peculiar manner with only two fingers, I observed a mean looking guy standing next to me ; with a "try talking to me and I will start with a punch in your belly" kind of look. I remembered a distant relative, and walked a couple of paces away.

Meanwhile a guy who looked like a simpleton walked towards me and asked me something in Kannada. Well I can understand a bit of kannada and can even shoot a few words. But I gave a plain shoo off buddy I can't understand a word kind of look to him and he walked away from me and went towards Mr.Mean.

Now the entire conversation that followed was in kannada, but is reproduced in English for obvious reasons...

Mr Simple: Do you know where Bashweshwar Nagar Police Station is saar?

Mr.Mean: WHAT!!!! What did you say? * In a very irritated tone**

Mr.Simple: Saar, I am asking do you know where Bashweshwar Nagar police station is.

Mr.Mean: Why? ** Rudely**

Mr.Simple: What do you mean why?

Mr.Mean: I mean why do you want to go to the police station early in the morning?

Mr.Simple: Just like that I have some work. Do you know where it is?

Mr.Mean: Do you think I am an idiot; no one goes to police station just like that. Tell me why you are going.

Mr.Simple: Visibly angry now. It is none of your business you know. You are standing here with no work; the least you can do is help others.

Mr.Mean: What do you mean, I am not your father’s servant, go straight, and take the second right and walk for five minutes it is there. I hope they lock you up. People like you who trouble others should not be walking free.

Mr.Simple: Ok. Thank you. Walks away as if nothing happened.

**Names have been changed to protect identity.

What kind of people were these two? :-)


Though I managed to understand around 60 % of the conversation, the rest was confirmed and translated for me by the tea stall guy. I am so glad he dint ask me, why do you want me to translate? :-)

Sun Signed.

Clicking on “Also read” links of some of the friends list I reached this place where a guy has a wonderfully amazing write-up on the zodiac sign prediction column writers in newspapers and magazines, It was so weird that I had thought of the exact same things he has written over there a couple of days back.

Now we all know for a fact that every sane person on this earth hates his or her job most of the time, does this chap hate his job too. I mean all a zodiac sun sign writer has to do is come into office; write twelve blocks of texts and leave? Nice eh?
I would love to have this job, but then I think he would love to have mine too?

He is so bound by boundaries, he cannot go beyond 12 signs can he? No matter how creative he feels on any particular day, he cannot go and create a couple of more sun-signs and satisfy his creative urges can he? STICK TO 12 No matter what!!!

Also some of these columns are daily, I guess these are the better lot.Some are weekly, some are monthly; I mean 12 predictions jumbled here and there across all the signs and I’m done for the month, can I get my pay check please?? Cool Job, No pressure, am sure no customer reading that prediction which went wrong would have walked in to the magazine or newspaper office asking for the writers head.

What is bad day at office for them? Just not being able to predict for Leo and Cancer?

Coffee machine conversation in a magazine office.

Zodiac writer: Man, just not able to figure out what to predict for Leo and cancer for tomorrow, have already mixed and matched all the good things for the other ten signs. Am I having a writer’s bloc? Dude I hope this is temporary... Can’t continue this way for long, appraisal is due next month and boss would rub this in for sure!

Fellow colleague: Don’t worry! Am sure it’s just a phase, remember the other writer also had the same problem couple of months back, but she’s firing all guns now.

Zodiac writer: Really? How, what did she do?

Fellow colleague: Nothing, she just took up a temporary assignment as ‘Agony aunt’ and listening to all the problems and the solutions she had new ideas on giving predictions once again, you should try something similar..


Now to the most important part of any career! Appraisals, Increments, Bonuses. What qualifies the performance ratings for these people, how are objectives set for these futur predicting guys.

Objective sheet:

• Number of times you write the same prediction for two different sun signs on the same day ! If you do this more than twice a month, BAD Rating ?
• Number of times you repeat the same prediction for different sun signs within a given time-period! you do this more than once a month, No BONUS !

Appraisal discussion

Manager: Buddy, your performance over the past quarter has not been so good; I hope you are aware of that.

Writer: Oh ya! Just read my prediction for my sun-sign for the today, Heated arguments with seniors expected, Money may not come your way easily. How close can anyone get to that boss?

Manager: Well, we are here to discuss consistency and not a one off on target prediction, your goof ups and repetitive predictions have been given me nightmares. I have letters from readers of the magazine that the zodiac sign column is clichéd.

Writer: Anyway, there is hardly any room for creativity; you have set strict boundaries which I am not allowed to transcend. I had once written “People committing adultery would get caught red-handed today” and that day one of the top boss of this magazine was actually caught getting naughty with his secretary and all the right people in this office kicked me in all the wrong places, my backside still pains sometimes.
This is the best anyone can do, and I can’t get any better than this.

Manager: Well if it gives some solace to you, be happy that your prediction for your sun sign is coming out to be true today, Money will really be hard to come by your way chap !

Writer: Whatever, be sure you read my predictions for your sun-sign tomorrow!!!!!

To and Fro I GO.............

Over the past few weeks, the traffic in Bangalore has been getting from worst to something which is best not talked about. I spend about 4 hrs average with my cab driver ; that is a tad less than what I spend with my wife(free time per day). Now is that not horrible. Earlier when I used to start from office in the evenings, I used to call up my wife and ask “So! What’s for dinner?”, rather I should actually be asking, “So! What’s for breakfast tomorrow morning? “. But, crib, curse or whine, there is actually nothing one can do, but to sit in that cab and wait for the traffic to move and the honking to end! Over a period of time I have devised a few things to keep myself busy in the cab... Here goes…..


1. How am I driving sticker! There are these stickers on all corporate cabs “How am I driving?” “Am I Rash?” “Give Feedback on 184830” etc etc, I wonder if some one actually calls such numbers and gives any feedback. So when I am stuck there with nothing to do, I have called such numbers and given them some feedback about the cab in front of me. No luck many times, either the mobile # is not reachable, or the person who picks up the call had already quit the job and was no longer responsible for taking feedback for that cab :-)

2. A thing which guarantees you about a hour of non stop chatter is asking the cab driver where he is from and how did he make his journey from his village to the IT capital of Bangalore. Some stories are genuinely touching, some are made up, and some make you laugh. But they guarantee you an early ride back home and some respect you in a very special way for hearing them for one hour. And from the next day, the cabbie does not seem irritated on you when you reach your pickup point a good ten minutes late!

3. My cell phone has about 157 ways of making noise. What better time than now to listen to each one of them and choose how my cell should ring when my wife calls, when my friends call and how to growl when my boss calls? Go on changing, scrolling through each of the tones. Now, you should also realise that is not a polite thing to do and it disturbs others who are busy gazing outside the window or dozing. After about 20 rings, ask a loud polite question,”Hey! Am I disturbing you’ll?” . No one has ever replied with a YES to this question, but their expressions always say YES YOU IDIOT! SHUT THAT CRAP, OR WE ARE GONNA THROW YOU OUT!

4. Read all sign boards you can see from the window , bumper stickers loudly, if boredom is too much spell out each board. Read number plates of the vehicle in front.

5. If sitting on the front seat, keep changing radio channels... If behind... Keep nudging the driver or the person in front seat to change channels... Tell them the correct channel name and number; flaunt your general knowledge :-) ... Once the channel of your choice is on... Sit back... Sigh a relief... And grin.

6. Open up a pack of chocolates or biscuits... Eat alone... Look around... But do not share... Enjoy the sadistic pleasure of getting those hungry greedy glares. Buddy if you ask I shall give, So don’t give me those greedy stares!

7. CURSE....LOUDLY... The government for horrible state of affairs in the city...the organization for setting campus so far from the city...the transport department for setting up horrible pickup routes where you go from one corner to another picking colleagues

These things have helped me so far to keep my sanity in the long journeys, well yet to see how many days before I go mad or change my job or change my house somewhere near… Till then I would continue with these and if I am bored with these, well I will think of a few more :-)