A Joke That Did not Work .. Part 2

Ok so Back to Me and Mr.I-Don't-Understand-Any-Of-Santosh's-Jokes

(On The terrace having coffee)

HE: Hey Santosh
ME: Hey Man.. Hows life
HE: Cool.. Going On !
HE: Blah Blah Blah...
Me: Blah.. Blah and some more Blah!!
HE: Arey Yaar, Kal Dekha? Surat main baara BUM pakda.
Me: He He ! BUM Pakda???? BUM ?? Baara?? Kisne Pakda??
He: Kisne Pakda Matlab Kya?? Kisne Pakda... Police ya woh Bomb Squad ne pakda hoga
Me: He HE
He: Arey ! Has raha kyon hai be?
Me: He HE Kuch nai... Acha bata Kiska BUM Pakda??
He: Kyyaaaa? Kya Kiska??
Me: Arey Woh Police ne kiska BUM pakda Surat main??
He: Terrorist ka aur kiska !!!
Me: OH! Police ne terrorist ka BUM pakda?? Agar BUM pakad hi liya tha, Toh jaane kyon diya ?? Pura pakdna tha... Sirf BUM kyon Pakda??
He: Tu kya bol raha hai?

BTW, The sad part is Mr.I-Don't-Understand-Any-Of-Santosh's-Jokes is leaving his job here and going elsewhere. So this is the last of the series :o) unles he gives me some golden opportunity in the last few days that he has left here ! Hoping for the best !!

Bombs..Blasts...And a Hobby Gone Bad....

I have a hobby of collecting newspaper headlines. Not everyday news, but news that made headlines. I have the clipping of Indira Gandhi Assasinated, Rajiv Gandhi Assasinated, India winning the World cup, Lord Ganesha Drinking milk, The Bombay bomb Blasts, The Bombay blasts again, and again and again.

If the bombing spree goes on this way, I think i will have to keep everydays frontpage !

While at the point, I also wonder how long and how many times will the same cycle be repeated and how far will we go till we say enough is enough and react. I am just fed up of a few things , rhetoric, statements and News Flash that follow a Bomb-Blast.

• The Prime minister and President have condemned the blasts.
• The Chief minister has asked the public to maintain calm and peace.
• News Flash - Police have released sketches of suspected bomber.
• The News reporter shouting "You are watching these first pictures of the blast site exclusively on our channel"
• The gory images of blast victims that are splashed on the screens, I am sure it would have a huge phsycological impact on many people, specially those who would have either gone through a similar experience themselves, or sadly would have lost one of thier kin.
• Finger pointing by politicians. It is high time we grow up folks !

On a personal level, i have gone beyond getting scared by such incidents, It just does not effect anymore. I guess its just about not being at the wrong place at the wrong time and being happy about it.

My prayers to all those who were affected by the recent events.

and to those who are doing this : MAY YOU ROT IN HELL !

Just Books(1)

Just finished reading The Silent Raga by Ameen Merchant. A good read, Very good actually.

Picked up Is Paris Burning - Larry Collins And Domnique Lapierre.

Only... Only 7 Useless Facts About Me !!!

Picked this Tag from Rajeshwari : Lol I am a TAG-PICKER :o)

1. I hate anything and everything that is to do with numbers, 2 digit multiplication is still a distant dream, Subtraction a nightmare, Addition i manage somehow but i need my time, Divisions i've stopped trying. I have the distinct record of flunking all my Math examinations from 6th Std right untill Preliminary exams of 10th. Scrapped through my Matriculation examination with 98 Marks.... From 150 not 100 :o). But still i consider this as lifes greatest achievement.
2. I have joined the maximum number of courses, vocational courses and not finished them. I have joined MBA coaching, CA Coaching, M.Com at Bombay University, Java at concourse, Oracle RDBMS at SSI and then i lost track.
3. I have read Shantaram 3 Times and Kane and Abel 2 times and seen Andaz Apna Apna fully about 9-10 times.
4. I lost my first salary ! Some chor picked my pocket :-( on a subarbun bus in Bombay.
5. I had a superstition of saying a lil prayer on the 9th step of the staircase when leaving my house in Bombay. This one died a natural death when i left Bombay
6. 4 of my friends have had thier footwear stolen when they accompanied me to the Siddhi-Vinayaka temple in Bombay. My friends stopped coming with me to the temple, They suspect i have a "setting" with the chappal chor gang.
7. I have worn the same wrist watch for 14 years.

Free for all TAG, Do Pick up :o)

Agony Uncle

Couple of weeks back got delayed in office for work[ofcourse for work. What else?] and this happened on the way back home in cab. The radio was tuned to some FM channel,I dont remember which though. And given the late night time the program on air was some sort of "Agony aunt" Or "Love Guru" types. Heard the most stupid, inane Q & A Session.

Dumb Radio Jockey: Heloo.... Who do we have on air now? Hey Hellooooooo
Dumb Female Caller: Hiiiiii, This is Anjana,Hieeee
DRJ: So Anjana, Good Evening so tell me how can i help you..
DFC: Yaaa actually i have a problem.
DRJ: Am Sure.We ll try and help you get over Anjana, tell us about it
DFC: Thankssss
DRJ: Go on
DFC: I am in a relation with this guy, My Boyfriend (Giggling)
DRJ: Okaay ! and...
DFC: Actuallly he beats me.
DRJ: Oh ! As in he beats you up? Physically? Beats you?
DFC: Ya he does and he gets violent for silly reasons
DRJ: So Anjana, tell me how old are you?
DFC: Am 22.
DRJ: And this guy, how old is he?
DFC: He is 26.
DRJ: Ok Here is the thing Anjana, you are a mature girl ok. You should understand that he has got no right to beat you or get violent with you ok.
DFC: yyaaaa i know, so what should i do
DRJ: You need to tell him strongly to stop beating you. OK?
DFC: Ok i will tell him.Thanksss for helping. (giggling)
DRJ: Thats good. So what song can i play for you now?
DFC: "Agar Tum Mil Jaao...Zamana Chodh Denge hum"...
DRJ: And any particular person you want to dedicate this to?
DFC: Ya.. to my Boyfriend.
DRJ: OK Heres... Agar Tum Mil Jaao... going out for you and your boyfriend .. Enjoy !

I Mean ! how dumb, I cant belive the lady actually called to tell the whole world that her boyfriend beats her up and then was satisfied with the stupid solution the RJ gave her ! My guess its all managed, OR some guys call just for TP. What say ?

A Joke That Did not Work !

When a meeting is over, There are two ways that people usually take leave.

• It was nice meeting you Santosh, I will take your leave now. OR
• It was nice meeting you Santosh, I will make a move now.

Today, The third happened, Here is what..

Me: Ok Man, Thats all we have time for. Was a productive hour, What do you say?

He: Ya, sure. My expectations from the meeting are met. Thank you. I will take your move now.

Me: Whaaaaaaat?

He: I am Leaving, Thank you. I will take your move now.

Me: Oh Ok ! Dat way? But i did not bring my moov to office today, its at home, I will bring my moov tomorrow, You can take my moov tomorrow. Ok? **Stupid Grin**

He: What?

Me: Oh Please ! I cant explain the joke to you now. I will make a move now

He: **Stone Faced** **No Clue what just transpired look**

:o) Hope the readers here get the joke ! Also this guy has an uncanny ability to wriggle the english language to make it funny, I had written about him here as well

Foodies

A food extravaganza to discuss lack of food, how Ironic.

http://www.mid-day.com/news/2008/jul/090708world1.htm

Guys if you eat all the food, whats left to discuss :o)

I Am, Who i Am.

Phew! Done with one more Tag.
Usha, you need to stop tagging me so often, My boss gave me an ultimatum today, Either I work for him or work for you to finish your tags :o) Most of the responses below are instinctive, some i had to think and write.

I am: Just another guy trying to carve out a life from mere existence
I think: Sometimes. Most of the times I just do.
I know: that I have intentionally not wronged anyone.
I want: to get over my driving Phobia and Vrooom on the streets of the city!
I have: Good Friends. Great Family.
I wish: I could impress people more often. Most of my tries have been screw-up :-) he he.
I hate: Being misunderstood. But mostly this is the case.
I miss: My college days, my friends, Woh Bara aane ki cigarette shared by 7 people and one rupee ki cutting chai.
I fear: Dogs. Oh Gawd i do. I was chased by 3 huge strays when i was a kiddo and I have never been able to overcome this fear. I would keep a good 20ft distance from any canine
I hear: Noises Between My Ears, I call them thoughts. I write them Here (he he this my blog title from sooo long)
I smell: Burnt Electric cables. Honest, check the blog post previous to this below this.
I crave: For a big change in my life. Change for good of course. I am trying to make this happen too!
I search: My Soul. The Search always comes back with "No Rows Returned" Or "Page Cannot be found"
I wonder: What goes on in the mind of a terrorist who sits and watches the T.V footage of a young child maimed by the bomb they planted.
I regret: A Few things i did, A few things i did not. But nothing so much that i would want to go back and change them.
I love: My Books, My Music, My Beer, My Work. Necessarily in this order, not necessarily in this order when i am writing the truth.
I care: Two hoots about people who back bite, back talk. Etc etc.
I am not: The person people think I am in the first impression. First impressions of people who later became good friends are 1) you are so quiet; we thought you are a snob. etc etc
I believe: Jab Jab jo jo hona hai, Tab tab su su hota hai :-) i mean tab tab so so hota hai ! In short Que Sera Sera
I dance: With three legs
I sing: Along when songs are played on the TV / radio etc, by myself i usually whistle or hum the tunes.
I cry: But usually there are no tears.
I don’t always: Listen to Good Advice. I have a wrong notion that I am smarter than most of the beings who wish me good :-) But I’ve been proved so wrong so many times !
I fight: wHere it does not matter who wins.
I write: The nonsense, you good people are reading right now.
I win: Without cheating.
I lose: At gambling. Every time I have tried I have lost, Even in Vegas. Vegas owes me 44 USD.
I never: Give up. Unless I have tried and failed.
I always: Call a Spade a Spade. Well not because I want to, else how will you know if I am talking about a Spade?
I confuse: Left with Right and Right with Left ALWAYS. Good in a way that I have this driving phobia nai :-)
I listen: To Hindi Film Music. At least 4-5 hours a day. Current track on my laptop is "Maula Mere Maula" from Anwar.
I can usually be found: Biting my nails.
I am scared: That one day all this will be over.
I need: To switch on the search lights. Get some focus, Pause and re-start.
I am happy about: The fact that life has been good. So far so Good

It was so much fun doing this one. Thanks Usha. As usual I do not tag anyone in particular, but whoever reads this, should be doing this one. !

Reality Bytes

I've realised today that.....

• Not all the stupid jokes that i try go well with people, the blog post below this is one example. I cant believe most of you could not get the joke. NO ! Please dont ask me to explain. I hate that.
• Not replying to comments that you good people leave on my blog is a rude thing to do, and that people do not come back to blogs where comments are not replied to. Boo hoo ! I promise to be good, will reply to all the comments from now on. Please dont leave me !
• Not all people, for whom you intend only good,realise this fact. Its so sad that they dont trust you even when you mean no harm.
• Some people help, atleast attempt to help no matter what. Some people listen no matter what.
• I can manage talking in Kannada for a good 10 minutes, thats about till my word stocks last, and then i have to give up and switch to hindi or english.
• Free credit cards are available for 5000/- :-) Honest..No Jokes. Contact Barclays bank for further details.
• Girls are in a a clear majority, where my blog readership is concerned. No ! This is not a complaint :-) Just a realisation, Dont run away !!!! Please let all your friends know about my blog too :-)
• I have 4 tags pending, i think i am gonna outsource this, or delegate this. whatever is cheaper.
• Last, final and most recent realization for the day. There is smoke coming out of the electric junction near the water cooler couple of metres away from my desk, and the smoke detectors are doing nothing but sniffing the smoke. Saale Is office main sabhi Kamachor hain :-)

Tidbits (1)

Q : Why do i prefer buying a bottle of Bisleri over buying any juice from the juice counter in my office ???
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A : I get more water for lesser price.

Better Late then Ever !!!

What is it about me and being early; I am early even when I am late.

Today I walked in to a video conference room at 2.10 for a meeting scheduled at 2.00 and Lo! I am the first one to walk into that empty room. And then within the next 3 minutes the whole room is abuzz! Where were all of them till 2.09? Hiding somewhere and waiting for me to get in? By the way, it’s not only about this meeting its true for any conference call that I am invited to. When I dial in I hear " Please Wait while the chair person arrives" And If on some occasion where I am the invitee I hear " you are the first participant to join the call ; Please Wait"

#$@!# Am I born to wait?

I think I have a reputation. I have waited for friends below the platform # 1 indicator when in Bombay for so long; I guess many would have thought I live there. I reach huffing and puffing, feeling guilty as hell for being about 5-7 mins late only to find there is no one there, and within the next couple of minutes or hours they all start trickling one by one! I have never had the privilege to keep people waiting, as hard as I try they try harder and Darn it but they always win!

Once I reached for my friends engagement venue to see an empty hall, Amazed and embarrassed I called him to know that he is still at home and yet to start for the venue.

Am telling you folks! It’s all a big conspiracy the world’s playing on me! And all my friends and colleagues from through out the world are deeply involved in this.

I won’t let them get me….. I WILL BE LATE NEXT TIME!!!!! You just wait… :o)

Tidbits....

Read this behind a car yesterday :

"If You Are Able To Read This ; I Am Not Drunk"

Heard this from a colleague today; not sure if he made this up or happened really:

He read an Advt on some property website " 2 bed room Kitchen available for rent, Only 2800/-.
He rushed to occupy it and seems there were actually 2 Beds, one room and one kitchen "

Book List

Got this from Pranjal's blog ; Liked it and picked up straight away.

Bold - ones I've read
Underlined - ones I read for school
Italicized - ones I started but didn't finish

Addendum
Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell
Anna Karenina
Crime and Punishment
Catch-22
One Hundred Years of Solitude
Wuthering Heights
The Silmarillion
Life of Pi : a novel
The Name of the Rose
Don Quixote
Moby Dick
Ulysses
Madame Bovary
The Odyssey
Pride and Prejudice
Jane Eyre
ATale of Two Cities
The Brothers Karamazov
Guns, Germs, and Steel: the fates of human societies
War and Peace
Vanity Fair
The Time Traveler’s Wife
The Iliad
Emma
The Blind Assassin
The Kite Runner
Mrs. Dalloway
Great Expectations
American Gods
A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius
Atlas Shrugged
Reading Lolita in Tehran : a memoir in books
Memoirs of a Geisha
Middlesex
Quicksilver
Wicked : the Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West
Frankenstein
The Count of Monte Cristo
Dracula
A Clockwork Orange
Anansi Boys
The Once and Future King
The Grapes of Wrath
The Poisonwood Bible : a novel
1984
Angels & Demons
The Inferno
The Satanic Verses
Sense and Sensibility
The Picture of Dorian Gray
Mansfield Park
One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest
To the Lighthouse
Tess of the D’Urbervilles
OliverTwist
Gulliver’s Travels
Les Misérables
The Corrections
The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay
The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time
Dune
The Prince
The Sound and the Fury
Angela’s Ashes : a memoir
The God of Small Things
A People’s History of the United States : 1492-present
Cryptonomicon
Neverwhere
A Confederacy of Dunces
A Short History of Nearly Everything - SorryMr. Bryson
Dubliners
The Unbearable Lightness of Being
Beloved
Slaghterhouse-five
The Scarlet Letter
Eats, Shoots & Leaves
The Mists of Avalon
Oryx and Crake : a novel
Collapse : how societies choose to fail or succeed
Cloud Atlas
The Confusion
Lolita
Persuasion
Northanger Abbey
The Catcher in the Rye
On the Road
The Hunchback of Notre Dame
Freakonomics : a rogue economist explores the hidden side of everything
Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance : an inquiry into values
The Aeneid
Watership Down
Gravity’s Rainbow
The Hobbit
In Cold Blood : a true account of a multiple murder and its consequences
White Teeth
Treasure Island
David Copperfield

Conclusion :
1) I am ashamed at the number of books i left unfinished
2) Thanks to Pranjal ; I have a huge book list to choose from!

Once again, This is not a tag but whoever reads this and "reads" should do this !

Its All About 5... Unlucky People....

The word Hate got absorbed in my psyche about the time Algebra was introduced in the school curriculum, till such time I was oblivious to this very basic human feeling. I had only love to give and share to one and all. But when math became algebra; i.e numbers became alphabets, 1,2,3 became a,b,c ; I was expected to prove that a=b and B for reasons yet unknown to me can never be equal to C. I started to nurture hatred, hatred so wild, so potent it consumed me and had grave and unmentionable effects on my math teachers too. It all started with hating the subject, then it grew, grew enough for me to be able to hate another fellow human, the Math’s teacher(s). It was then under unavoidable circumstances; a guy whose names denotes love, satisfaction, happiness was forced to Hate, and he uttered the 3 golden words. I HATE MATHS.

From humble beginnings, my association with hate and hatred as grown, the list has grown longer and longer and keeps growing. Now it has reached such a peak that brown girls in the ring have started TAGGING me to spit fire about the people I hate, and the loving and kind hearted soul that I am, just could not decline.

At a very subtle level, I have begun to hate the following people, acts, or behavior not necessarily in the order in which it’s written here.

I Hate : People who jump queues, People who come late into a cinema hall and search for seats and take their own sweet time to settle down, Auto drivers of Bangalore in general, People who misuse money if it doesn’t belong to them; specially if its office money, People who do not respect others time ; come late and giggle!, who give advice on every topic as if they have solutions to every problem others have, People who associate respect with wealth, who write “ I LOVE SUNITA OR I LOVE SUNIL on heritage sites ; etc etc etc.

But to render justice to the TAG requested, I need to dig deeper into my hearts chamber of hatred and come up with the list of the TOP 5 … Ahem Ahem

1.They say it takes years to build trust and seconds to break it. Sometimes in our lives even we ourselves are at fault, for reasons unknown to us, or reasons beyond our control we end up breaking the trust that someone would have placed on us. But then there are people who come into our lives with a reason, they play around you, with you and then Poof! When the deed is done, the cow is milked; they would hardly even recognize you. The harm that these species do is not restricted to that particular relation or association, but it leaves a far deeper scar in our trusting instincts. We end up not trusting in general and makes the whole society a place where suspicion is the first thing that creeps in whenever a new relation, friendship, or simple commradare is about to happen. Questions like ….
Hmm why is he helping me so much? Does he/she have a personal interest in this? No one does anything for anyone without seeking some gain out of it… better not trust him/her and go for it alone.

2.Marriages are made in heaven; but dowries are paid on earth. I hate from the bottom of my heart the guys who put a price on themselves and sell themselves as part of matrimony and also some of these creepy leeches have the cheek to say “ I dint want dowry, my dad forced me” I fail to understand how these guys can use the money, appliances that would have come as part of dowry. All those cars, washing machines etc; I hope they go out of warranty as soon they start using it! The worst kind whom I hate more than anything else are those who are not satisfied with the first installment and the demand more and more again and again, and go the extent of wife-beating or even killing. Are they “Men”??

3.People have to have a point of view, People ought to respect others point of views. Then there are these who think there is only one point of view in no matter what, and it is theirs. There are no two sides for a debate, actually with these guys there is only one side, there is scope for dialogues, there are only monologues. They can rant on and on about something and make you feel you are invisible, or whenever they let you talk, its only to ensure you are listening, once they have this confirmation they start off again. I hate coming across such people, but sadly they are abundant.

4.I can’t eat non-veg today; today is Saturday, I can’t drink today; today is Tuesday. Bloody Crap. I hate the pseudo-religious junta. Either you do the stuff that your religion prevents you from doing or you don’t. Simple! You cant create conveniences to work around all the prohibitions. I have seen people waiting desperately for the clock to tick 12.00 in the night, so Tuesday becomes Wednesday and he can start gulping beer.

5.Last but not the least, the species I have never met, but I hope and pray the cease to exist; I can understand murderers or killers who killed for revenge or for the reason that someone would have wronged them, or even if they stand to gain directly from their death. Even though it’s a heinous thing to do; I would say ok atleast he/she had a personal motive atleast they had the courage in them to face the person they are killing and look in their eye. But I hate these guys, cowards who keep bombs and vanish; killing and maiming hundreds of people. These are the only people I hate so much, I wish and pray they die a same painful, ungrateful death.

There! I am done… I feel so much better :-) And now to passing the buck, I know of only 5 people who read my blog regularly ; I TAG YOU !!! :-)

Smiles and Frowns

• Read this sign board on the Bangalore-Mysore highway." Learn Unlimited English. 500 Rs only"
• Bangalore Traffic Sucks. Elections should happen once in 100 years.
• Me to a colleague. "Buddy coming for lunch ?" He : No man you carry on, I recently had breakfast !
• Bangalore Traffic sucks. Offices should be walking distance from home
• Read this sign board near Cox town, "A-one class paying guest accomodation available. Male members only. Andhra style" I wonder what they do Andhra style :-)
• Bangalore traffic sucks. They should let us work alternate days.
• Overheard at office. A guy to a female. " I Can't open it: Can you please ZIP it again properly?" I wonder if he would be still working tomorrow, or facing harrasment charges.
• Bangalore Traffic sucks. Our cabs should function the same way like outstation buses do. They should stop en-route for snacks, at TOILETS etc.
• Nobody is ever happy after appraisals {Wink Wink}
• And ya of course, How can i forget, Bangalore traffic sucks !

Team Work !

Was present in a meeting room with one of my friends when he was meeting his sales team, It never fails to amaze me how each one has a disticntly unique excuse for a task not done. I guess this is some thing we imbibe in our insticts from our school days from our replies to teachers for the ever dreaded question of, Have you done your homework !
He entered the meeting room, and asked for the status on the task assigned
Member 1 : I was not aware even i had to do this.
Member 2 : I was very busy
Member 3 : Silence is the best policy
Member 4 : I was on leave for 4 days , else i would have done
Member 5 : I started to do, but then you sent some other mail so i got confused and stopped
Member 6 : I was not present in the last meeting.
Member 7 : Sorry
Member 8 , 9 and 10 : He winked at me did not bother asking :-)

Entertainment ?

If a guy injures himself, ends up in excruciating pain and has to be rushed to the hospital for further tests; What does it mean to us? A matter or concern? or Entertainment?

Well if the person in question is none other than the BIG-B ; It is entertainment all right ! Check out this news clip from Mid-Day ; an Injured, in pain, Aby Baby is rushed to the hospital and they put this news clip in the entertainment section.

Etiquette ! My Foot !

I learnt this a couple of days back, It seems it is not good Etiquette to refer to a Toilet as a Toilet in front of ladies! It should be referred to as a "Restroom" .

Why? I ask! I dont use the TOILET to rest; I wont call it a "Restroom". I will call it anything Sauchalaya, Loo, John, or some other explicit terms but not "Restroom", specially when that lady who told me this would be around. :-) Hope she reads this !

Being Rao !

I don’t remember anyone calling me by name till a few years back, I always felt my surname had an advantage over my name and my name always got sidetracked. Throughout my school days, college life, Friends, foes, guy in my housing colony always called me RAO. It had reached such levels that even when the neighbors dog barked “Bow Bow” It sounded like “ Raoww Raoww” to me

Then suddenly it all changed, when I started working, The RAO factor declined and I got identity as Santosh ! I admit it was difficult in the initial days, some guy and sometime girls too would be calling me by my name and it would hardly catch my attention, Some assumed I had a hearing defect and suggested therapy!

Now if you are still reading my name saga and wondering why I am digressing so much on this name, Surname thing, Wait Wait I am getting to the point!

Today a guy in office came rushing to me! Here is what followed

He: Hey Santosh, You are a Manglorean Rao? Haaaaaaa????
Me Thinking: Eh ! Why this sudden interest in my surname ?
Me: Yaaaawwwn ! Ya why ?

He: I always thought you are an Andhra Rao
Me Thinking: so you people differentiate Raos ?
Me: No I am from Mangalore.

He: Wow That’s great yaa !
Me Thinking: Really? I never knew being a mangalorean Rao is a big deal!
Me: Yaaaawwwwaaaannnnn OK !

He: GSB ha ?
Me Thinking: isn’t there one god in the 1 crore collection that we have who is listening to this conversation who will please help me?
Me: Ya GSB

He: That’s good man !
Me Thinking: Really? I never got any advantage from anywhere, no teacher gave me passing marks, no company promoted me before time, I do not get extra bonus here to be a GSB!
Me: Sir! If you are acting on behalf of someone to arrange holy matrimony for a GSB girl, Let me tell you even GSB’s are allowed only one marriage and I have already had my share! So please don’t tread that line !

He: No Man !
Me Thinking: Are we done?
Me: Thanks

Me: You came all the way to talk to me because you found out from somewhere that I am a Rao and a GSB?
Me: Really ? You came just for that ?
He: Yes man ! aren’t you proud of being a GSB?
Me Thinking : Whaaaaat !!!!
Me: Never really thought about it that way !

Me: Are you disappointed in me? :-)
He: No ! Nothing like that !
Me: Ok See you around then !
He: Ok Man bye !

I am still in surprise that a chap came over to my desk and had this whole conversation around being Rao and a GSB ! Suddenly the surname took precedence over my name again ! Also, realized people have too much time to waste in office and on such things? That’s a killer !!!

Busy Man !

I urgently wanted to speak on something with one of my colleague yesterday, he was not picking my call at all, So sent him this SMS "Please call me back urgently,need to speak to you" This is what he replied back " DO NOT DISTURB for the next 3-4 hours, i am very busy sleeping in a very important meeting.Tks" :-)

India Shining

On my way to the Bombay airport in a Rickshaw had this conversation with the Auto Driver
Me : Airport ?
He : Domestic ya international ?
Me : Domestic, Abhi meri foreign jaane ki aukad nai hai.
He : Smiles

3 mins pause

He : Aap ka waha se plane hai kya ?
Me : Nahi ! Train hai, abh naya chalu hua hai !
He : Smiles

2 Mins pause

He : Kahan ka plane hai ?
Me : Banglaore !
He : Kitna kilometer hai Banglaore yahan se
Me : Tere rickshaw main jaayenge toh 30000 aayge meter pe, ab tu hisaab laga.
He : Smiles

3 Mins Pause

He : Kitna Waqt Lagta hai yahan se wahan
Me : Traffic nai raha toh 1.30 hours, signal pe atak gaya toh jyada bhi lag sakta hai !
He : Smiles

2 mins pause

He : Ticket kitne ka lagta hai?
Me : 3000 se 5000 tak ka hai.
He : Haan hamara bhi Lucknow ka 23oo lag gaya ek jan ka, Agle mahine meri beti ko bhej raha hu Lucknow, hamare khandan main se aaj tak kisine plane nai dekha hai, jisne bhi dekha hai, usne hawe main hi dekha hai! Kisi kisi ne toh hawe main bhi nahi dekha hoga!! Humri beti toh har plane dekhti hai aur agle mahine ka intejar kar rahi hai.

Amazing! India well and truly shining :-)

This is life

Remember these amazing dialogues ?
"Yeh Kya Ho Raha Hai....."
" Lagaam.... Lagaaaam"
"30 Years ka experience hai"
" Oh ! What a Relieeeeef !!!"

Relived all these memories from the amazing sitcom of 1984, all the discussions we had about the previous weeks episode in school recess time ! saw this VCD at a store and grabbed it !

Am talking about ! YEH JO HAI ZINDAGI :-)

Code Word FM

I have been observing this for the past few days, will do so for a few more days. If the results are positive it would mean that me and the cab driver connect at a deep level, Else whatever is happening is pure co-incidence.

Every day i am the first one to get picked up in the Indicab. The FM radio is switched off. I open up a book and start reading. After about 10 mins two more guys get picked up. The FM is still not on.

At this point all the usual stupid coversation that everyone is having just for the heck of it starts, Hey Man ! how are you ! Saw the match ? Etc etc ! And then there is the usual between the conversation silence. The FM is still off.

I start humming a song, any song. ***Wooooosh***** the cabbie moves in a flash and switches on the Radio. I WONDER WHY !!!!! Below is what my deep analysis has led me to believe.

1) He feels am a horrible singer and thinks whatever crap the radio plays is better than even letting me hum !!!
2) The moment he hears me singing, he is reminded that his cab also has a radio.
3) He actually waits for my signal and thinks it is some sort of a good omen!

This has happened continously for more than a week now ! and i am not gonna break this tradition. From tomorrow i am gonna plan which song i am gonna hum too :-)

I Salute Thee Captain Sunil

For all of us who have a bad day at office and crib at it no length. Read this.

http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/Sena_medal_officer_dies_fighting_Ulfa/articleshow/2735951.cms

With all respect to Captain Sunil, who did not even live to celebrate the gallantary award bestowed on him on republic day.

Happy Republic Day

Some guy excerised the fundamental right to steal that the indian constitution has granted us. I opened the door of my house today to see that some guy has flicked away all my footwear, yes each one of them. I am shoeless in Bangalore today. I wonder what made him leave away all my wives footwear untouched. Probably he is scared of her too :-)

And to you Mr. Thief. You will get a couple of boils on your feet in the coming days, you ll repent stealing my shoes. And yes, just one request, next time you decide on flicking someones shoes, atleast leave behind a pair of slippers so we have something to wear to go out and buy new pairs. JERK !

Heres wishing you all a very Happy Republic Day !

Gaddi De Peeche

Read this very interesting social message behind a truck in whitefield yesterday

Save Water. Wear Helmet

Hmm..Nice social message there. But am still wondering how we can save water by wearing a helmet. Any ideas ???

Down the Memory Lane!

Somebody TAGGED me last week with a request to write about the list given below. He/She also mentioned that it will bring bad luck if I do not write within 7 days of receiving the tag. Now, not wanting to call more luck issues than I already have, I decided I will work against the clock and meet the deadline. So yours truly has written a part of this blog sitting in the office cab with curious eyes hovering around and also assuming that I am soooo overloaded with work!

Here goes.

What is the oldest / first memory you carry of :

Of your Mother : I stretched my memory to the limits and the earliest I could reach was a memory of mom sitting with me on the bed making me do my homework must be my 2nd or 3rd standard. There were books thrown all around, and I distinctly remember a scale in her hand as well.

Of crying : Of me being chased by a few dogs in the colony and running back home crying like mad. I still fear dogs!

Of your father : This will tell people how selfish I am! I am somewhere in my primary school and my school starts only in the noon. I want to take the press button umbrella to school and not wear a raincoat. It was raining the morning when Dad leaves for office, but I did not let him take his umbrella, I am not very sure now but I guess he would have reached office soaked to the skin. I took the umbrella to school that day. God punished my selfish day by making that noon the sunniest noon of the monsoon that year! Yeah! I protected myself from the sun just to be able to use it in front of my friends!

Of School : Me Picking up my watermelon shaped water bottle from the shelf. May be 1st standard. I am so surprised this stupid memory is of a earlier date probably than that I have of my mom!!!! Damn me!!!

Of a fight: Me and another guy from my housing colony in Bombay coming to blows over who would ride double seat with one of the older boys of the colony on his “Gear wala” cycle ! I don’t remember either of the guys name. I remember going home with blood on my shirt and bleeding lips.

Of a lie you told: I Flunked in four subjects in my 6th standard and told mom and dad that I flunked only in one. As foolish as I could be. The Lie was bound to be short lived and I was royally jacked when I had to get the marks card signed. I remember not being talked to by mom and dad for more than couple of days!

Of a vacation : Kashmir with my family. Don’t remember the year. But I surely do not remember any earlier vacation.

Of laughing : All of us cousins sitting in the lawn of my Grandpas house in Mangalore and laughing like devils for no rhyme or reason. Must be about 9-10 years old!

Of a class-mate : His name is Don. That’s all I remember. Hey Don :-) If you are reading this.. Remember me??

Of a relative : This one is crystal clear needed no digging in the brains. Of my Mothers younger brother. I so distinctly remember him carrying me to see their new house that was under construction in Mangalore. I even remember him making me sit on the wall as he was talking to the workers there. I guess this makes it to Number one position in the oldest memory I have as a person !!!!

Of a Teacher : Sinha Teacher. 1st standard. I remember her face. I will be able to spot her even today in a crowd!

Of your Brother / Sister : My brother and me shouting together “Maaaaammmmmmmmmmmmyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy” from below our building to call mom from our 3rd floor house in Bombay. Must be 8-9 years here too!

There! Am I a lousy person? To not have earlier than this memories of parents or family?? Whatever!!!!!

Honestly in a way I enjoyed doing this, brought back some nice fond memories and exercised the brains too. I now TAG the millions of people who read my blog to try writing on the same topic. !!

And you, whoever tagged me, Hope you are happy now!

Office Home Office...

A transport strike has made me "Work from home" today, a nice thingy this "Work from home". Lets you blog, See movies, listen to your favorite songs, Sync your Ipod, read a book and work too :-)

Btw, i just noticed that TV is at its boring peak when i am at home! My worldspace refuses to receive signals, the power goes for 2 hours! And work from home is supposed to be fun ?

Its been ages since i read a book, so am starting with Napolean - The definitive Biography today.

Also, some totally unknown person has mailed me with a "TAG" the semi-literate me had no clue what a TAG in the blog world is, since i have ample time today, googled it up and my next post should be about that TAG. I just wish i knew who that person is, the profile is not for display it says !!

Btw, this post is a forced post :-) had promised myself i will write, so scribbled up something. Content or No.... Its my Space anyway :-)

What Has Changed ?

Ten years ago in the year 1997 i was in Goa on new years eve. OK ! Before the millions of people all around the world who read my blog jump to the conclusion that i was there partying ! YOU ARE WRONG. With out digressing onto what i was doing in Goa, Let me get back to the point.

I did not have a cell phone that time, I am not sure if anyone in India had a cell phone then, i was living in distant town named Tivim. YET ! i walked 3.5 Kms to the nearest STD booth to call my family and friends and wish them a Happy New Year at the stroke of mid-night. I hardly had money in my pocket, yet i spent about 20 25 /- to call them up and talk to them. And Believe me 20 25 /- was a huge sum for me then, could have bought me few glasses of beer :-)

Now, coming to the year 2007. I have a cell phone in my pocket, I dont have to walk anywhere to make the call.The bill is paid by the company, dont have to spend a dime on the call. YET, I did not call anyone. It was one common sms to all and sundry.

Am i the only one who has changed for bad, or the world in general has become impersonal. I promise to change !

That brings me to something my Granny sarcastically told me a few months back. Heres what she said.

"Few years back people did not have the means to make calls, talk to near and dear ones, but had the will. Now all of you are walking with the means to talk to near and dear ones in your hands, but do not have the will"

Hard Hitting Fact Eh ? Well.....

Overheard.....

Overheard this at office today.

GUY 1 : Hey ! My manager has asked me to develop this report from scratch, Can you help me out?

GUY 2 : Sure Man, Just ask your boss where he wants to be scratched, and then we can start !

Lol....

If you have it.... Flaunt it :-)

My Latest Gizmo! Apple Ipod - Touch

Shot Dead !

Flash News !!!!

An Indian National was shot dead in his hotel room late last nite about 4.30 AM PST. The motive behind the murder is still unknown, Investigative agencies are still clueless. There seem to be no leads at all !

Well, After having such a fantastic day in the sea-world that was a horrible dream to have, anyway by far this was the scrariest dream i ever had, i am wondering why would anyone want to shoot me. Probably reading about all the shootings going around, the church, the mall etx induced this. I dont really know. The dream itself, though scary was sooo real !

hope i have no more of those, Man i was having such a good time ! :-)

San-Tosh Goes to San-Diego

Finally It happened. After having heard every one rave about The Sea World, Was more than eagar to see this one and man was it worth it ! The sea world by it self did not appeal much to me other than Shamu of course.

The Arctic experience was another nice thing, its amazing how these guys can transport us to a virtual Arctic Zone with White Whales, Walrus and Polar bears for company. 60 $ total vasool i say !

Had a horrible 9 $ Lunch, Thew it in the bin ! Lesson Learnt , Next time i will stick to Fries and Coke :-)

Shamu Rocks !

Sea World Pics...

Been There... Done That (3)

Here are few more things on which, in times to come i can say....Hey! Been there... Done That

• Saw this amazing Aquarium of the Pacific. With nothing else that i have yet seen to compare this with. This is the best thing i have seen in my life ! Am still dazzled. I hear San-diego water world is better, yet to go there.
• Live Ice-Hockey at Staple Center los Angeles. Got free VIP enclosure passes and man was it worth it. LA-KINGS Vs Coyotes. The home team lost though and that was a bit of a dampner as the initial crowd involvement that was making the stadium go beserk was totally lacking. Final Score : LA-KINGS -2 Coyotes - 4
• Tried Mexican Burritos. Quite liked it.

Ice Hockey Pics.....

Aquarium Pics....

Been There.. Done That (2)

Here are few things on which, in times to come i can say....Hey! Been there... Done That

• Visited Universal Studios - Hollywood. Amazing!
• Drank water from the 'American' kind of water taps; where you have to bend and drink directly from the tap. I had only seen Kevin Arnold do that at his school in The Wonder Years
• Saw a network of freeways so complex and mingled! It was like lines scribbled and wriggled across a paper.Counted atleast 32 lanes of traffic. Either over us, parallel to us, below us, above to above us and below to below us !
• Drove past Hollywood Boulevard. (for some strange stupid reason was humming 'Louta de mera ticket to hollywood' all along the strech.
• Got lost on the freeways thrice ! drove an extra 13 miles to get on the right road again. Man ! some things are so simple back in India. Took a wrong turn? No worries, Stop the car, Right there. Put your hand out if you are not lazy, swrillllll , there... back on track again !

Btw peoples ! all the driving that is being referred to here is not done by me, I have a super Drivo-phobia!

Lastly, here is something i did not do for the first time again. Stood on the wrong side of the escalator and got some nasty looks from Goras and Goris ! I had done the same mistake once when i was in Prague. Well, I never learn from misakes !

Some Pics !

Bangalored In LA !

OK! so the famed LA night life that i heard about did not live upto expectations at all.

With some tips from the local friends read colleagues in LA 3 of us went to this beach side night club Sangria - At the Hermosa Beach. Couple of things that happened which made me feel as if i am in Bangalore after all and as i have always maintained. BOMBAY ROCKS !

One. 1:30 the nightclub is down. We were literally made to gulp the remanants of our drinks and shoot out. "Kill your drink" is the new term i learned yesterday! It means, Boy! either gulp your drink, flush it or dump it and leave ! Uncle Sam, I did not come to a LA night club to be puhed out at 1.30. Which reminded me of a party that we had at Hynt, a popular night club in Bangalore and the waiters there all but kicked us out at 11.00.Thats so not done ! come to bombay and i will take you to places which liven up at 1.30

Two. As we came out of this place, we see that all the nearby clubs have also shut shops at the same time and there is this huge crowd of drunk goras, who by the way i say act so much more wierder than our local bomaby taporis and bangalore rowdies. It was a commotion, for lack of more stronger words. The 'F' word was like the anthem ringing in my ears from every second converstation that i could hear.

Three. This one is the Killer. Made me feel so much at home. Would have flagged atleast 10 cabbies. none Stopped, Whoever did was not even interested to listen where we wanted to go and whoever did listen acted as if he dint listen at all. Which made me think, these cabbies have completed a crash course conducted by the Bangalore Rickshaw union.

Hmm ! so someone please tell me what is so good and different in LA that our sweet bangalore has not already shown us :-)

Until something happens here in the coming 2 weeks that i am here. I am not impressed !

Been There... Done that (1)

Here are few things on which, in times to come i can say....Hey! Been there... Done That

• Jet lag - I know what it is now. Experienced it first hand.
• A Drink in an international airport, waiting for my flight. (2 Pints beer at heathrow)
• Played Tennis. Man it is not so easy to do that easy looking serve and a backhand. OH MY GAWD !
• Rented a Tuxedo. Am praying i get to use it. Am not sure though, Well atleast i can say i Rented one :-)
• Used a GPS navigation system to find where to go and how.
• Saw Manhattan Beach Boulevard
• Did some typically desi stuff; calculated every dime i spend within a minute to how much it would cost in Rupees. I have promised i will stop it right now.

And heres something i did not do for the first time. I forgot to carry my camera to the Manhattan Beach :-)

Uncle Sam ! Here i Am !

It is more or less every Indian IT professionals dream to visit the USA. Call me wierd but i never had this fasination of visiting the US just to make a point that i have arrived in the IT scene.

I know of or atleast i knew of many people who would have give thier right arm to get a job in any junk IT company in the US of America in the 90's. Well, some of them have really made it big here, and some of them burst with the dot com crash in the early 2000's. Either way, agree or not USA is still among the most preferred destination for all techies in India. Even a casual conversation with anyone in the IT field would lead to the question ' Have you been to US?' or the declaration ' I was in the US last year, and....!!'

Well, After about 10 years of slogging in the IT scene it was my turn to say Hi to Uncle sam. and here i am, this post comes straight from The Residence Inn-Los Angeles El Segundo, CA.

Things.. People I Hate the Most Today....

Here Goes....

10. Promos of Saawariya
9. Promos of Om Shanti Om
8. A towel clad Ranbir
7. A oh-i-am-so-shy Sonam
6. Shahrukh and Farah khan
5. The song Masha-allah
4. Dard-e Disco is a Dard in the ass
3. All the TV shows going ga-ga over these 2 movies
2 .Six pack Abs
1. People who did not like Laga Chunri main Daag and the idiots who termed the movie as a flop.

Fasting Feasting

Campus... Rampus !

Had been to a Campus recruitment drive for my office at a deemed university in Coimbatore over the weekend, as much as i hated going there! I enjoyed a lot, met people who i thought exsisted only in films or books !

Everyone i met had a story to tell, some funny, some boring, some cute, some sad, some touching.

Few Excerpts....

**The Shy Guy**

A guy has written in Cv under personal qualities :Extrovert, confident, friendly.

During the interview I asked him,Tell me one bad quality about yourslef.

HE : I am a very shy person sir
ME : But you have wriitten you are an extrovert,friendly person!
HE :I am a shy extrovert sir.
ME : What is a shy extrovert?
HE : Me sir.
ME : Then why do u think you are an extrovert?
HE: I like talking to people sir.
ME : But you said you are a shy person.
HE : Yes sir, that's why I don't talk to them
ME : You are confusing me now
HE : Yes sir
ME : You agree you are confusing me?
HE : Yes sir !
ME : And why r u doing that?
HE : That's one more bad quality in me sir when I talk I confuse people. So I am shy
ME : Ah !!!!!!!

** The lover Boy **

ME: Tell me something about yourself, your personality,the kind of person you are?
HE : I like making friends !
ME : So... How many girl friends do you have?
HE : Three !
ME : Three !!!!! ?
HE : Yes sir
ME : You have three girl friends ? What did you join college for? Studying or flirting!!!
HE : No sir I don't flirt...
ME : You have 3 girl friends and you say you don't flirt ?
HE : Yes sir
ME : So you plan to marry all three...
HE : Oh no sir... I don't have lover... Just girlfriend !!

*****
ME : Why should I hire you?.
SHE :Because I am giving the interview.

******
ME : Why should I hire you?.
SHE :Because you are asking me tough questions which I am able to answer.

***
ME : Why do you want to join IT
HE : Because no other company comes for campus interviews

Fish Curry, Chappati...........

Some people touch our lives in such a special way that we remember them for life. They may not have bought you monetary gains, not done anything great. Come to think of it, they would have actually done nothing at all. On the contrary, they would have lost something of their own in the bargain. Their time, their money maybe. We would never know, these kind of people are such, they would not let you know.

I do not have anything to repay their kindness, love they had for me. A complete nobody for them. Hence This. Written with all my love and gratitude.

“Maushi” (loosely meaning Aunty), I knew you for less than four months of my life. You would have come across hundreds, if not thousands of care-free guys like me who came to your canteen in the busy industrial area in a small town of Goa. For most of the time I knew you, you were nothing but a shadow for me, moving about busily in the dark kitchen of the canteen where I came to eat food every day for 4 months, noon and night. I just saw you move around ever so busy, Saree tucked in the typical Maharashtrian way, sweaty, tired maybe. Busy arranging dishes for the lunch and dinner time rush. I never once bothered to peep in to check how you look, how old you would be.

I was busy. Busy thinking. Thinking that you have made the Chapatti (Indian bread) even thinner today, the curry you have made would be full of water. What you would have plotted to cheat us of the 18 rupee that we pay for the food.

After about 15-20 days of regularly cursing the food, yet coming there to eat daily as I had paid up-front for the full four months. You once peeped out of the kitchen, to check me out. A regular guy. I thought you would have asked yourself; Oh! This guy will not miss one day’s food haan, every day he will turn up as he has paid upfront, I think he will eat every paisa worth of food!

Instead, you asked me “Pora, Jevat nai ka barobar, Kiti Bareek Disto hai?” (Son, are you not eating well? You look very pale) and I again thought you are just making small talk to ensure, I do not ask for a refund and walk off. Just making sure you don’t lose out on ‘Money’!

Then I dint come for two days in a row, I thought you would have been happy. When I returned:

“Kuthe Gela hota, Bara hai na tu?” (Where had you gone, Hope you are well!).

“Bara hai mee! Phiralya gela hoto.”(Am well, went for sight seeing!).

I could not sense the genuine concern and care in your question or your voice. I did not even bother to see you in the eyes; maybe I would have seen something.

One such night, I came in famished. I can still smell the watery fish curry you made that night. The four chapattis of the standard dinner plate were over in less than a minute from my plate, before I could raise my head; I saw your hand put two more chapattis in my plate. With a pang of guilt hitting my tummy, I ate the two chapattis you put in my plate. I would pay for it anyway, Big Deal!!!.

“3 mahine rahnaar hai ikde, aankhin barik jhaala, tujhi aai mhanel barobar kalji ghetle nai maushi ni” ( 3 Months you would be here, if you become any more thinner by the time you go from here, you mother will say Maushi did not take care of my son)

No matter how much I think about it, I wonder how the food tasted so much better from the next day, the chapattis were just fine, the water from all the curries just disappeared. And I do not know if it showed or not, But I am sure I smiled when I was eating food there, everyday since then.

“Kai Maushi; Kashi Aahe?” (Hello Maushi, How are you)

“Me Bari hai pora, tu sang, Bhook lagli? (I am OK son, tell me are you hungry?)


Even when i asked about you, The question as an answer was about my well being. Suddenly I saw you; I could see the genuine care with which you asked me if I am hungry. It was not just a question. It made a difference to you didn’t it?

Every time you made the fish curry I had so-loved, you never forgot to put the 2 extra chapattis in my plate. Somewhere down the line, you stopped charging me for those extra chapattis. The fish curries started to have more fish pieces floating in them.

“Ithun 2 Kilo jasti gheon jaa, mala changl vatel” (Gain at least 2 more kilos before you go from here, I would feel better)

4 months ended in a jiffy. It was suddenly my last dinner there and I had a bus to catch the next morning, there was the best fish curry again in my plate, with the 2 extra chapattis, and touch of ghee on them. And the Sweet, a nice small piece of Barfi, Coated with love. I selfishly have taken to believe that I am the only person who would have ever gotten a Barfi piece in your canteen.

I touched your feet, and gave you a tight hug. You moved your hands over my head, blessed me for what I was and pardoned me for all the wrong thoughts I had for you and your canteen. With that, I walked out, Never ever to see you again. It is eleven years this month.

Maushi, I have moved on in life. If I ever come back to goa I may never eat in the kind of canteen you run, I would probably be on a corporate card dining in a star hotel, where one chapatti would cost more than what you fed me lunch for. A place where I am sure the waiter / cook would care two hoots If I am hungry, I am sure he would not let me have 2 chapattis for free because I liked the fish curry he fed me. I am sure he is not bothered if I do or do not put on weight. But I am sure no one can make the fish curry as good as you did.

Maushi, I hope you had a nice life since. I am sure you would have. You would have the good wishes of hundreds of people like me. People who did not care for your good deeds then, but have again and again remembered and thanked you. I am also sure; you did nothing to get gratitude in return. But there is absolutely nothing I can give you in return anyway.

Except maybe a big Thank You.


PS> Maushi, I have finally put on weight. From the skinny, lean 52 kilo guy to a healthy 70. The chapattis worked for sure :-) Thank you once again.

Police... Somebody Call the Police Please......

My day always begins with the cab that takes me to office arriving late. The same happened a couple of days back and I was waiting for a good 15 20 minutes for my pilot to arrive.

I have observed in Bangalore that whenever the idle time or waiting duration is more than 15 minutes, it calls for a "by-two" (tea) at the nearest tea stall. So off I went to Murugan tea stall.

As I was busy sipping tea from my plastic cup, which I have been told has to be held in a very peculiar manner with only two fingers, I observed a mean looking guy standing next to me ; with a "try talking to me and I will start with a punch in your belly" kind of look. I remembered a distant relative, and walked a couple of paces away.

Meanwhile a guy who looked like a simpleton walked towards me and asked me something in Kannada. Well I can understand a bit of kannada and can even shoot a few words. But I gave a plain shoo off buddy I can't understand a word kind of look to him and he walked away from me and went towards Mr.Mean.

Now the entire conversation that followed was in kannada, but is reproduced in English for obvious reasons...

Mr Simple: Do you know where Bashweshwar Nagar Police Station is saar?

Mr.Mean: WHAT!!!! What did you say? * In a very irritated tone**

Mr.Simple: Saar, I am asking do you know where Bashweshwar Nagar police station is.

Mr.Mean: Why? ** Rudely**

Mr.Simple: What do you mean why?

Mr.Mean: I mean why do you want to go to the police station early in the morning?

Mr.Simple: Just like that I have some work. Do you know where it is?

Mr.Mean: Do you think I am an idiot; no one goes to police station just like that. Tell me why you are going.

Mr.Simple: Visibly angry now. It is none of your business you know. You are standing here with no work; the least you can do is help others.

Mr.Mean: What do you mean, I am not your father’s servant, go straight, and take the second right and walk for five minutes it is there. I hope they lock you up. People like you who trouble others should not be walking free.

Mr.Simple: Ok. Thank you. Walks away as if nothing happened.

**Names have been changed to protect identity.

What kind of people were these two? :-)


Though I managed to understand around 60 % of the conversation, the rest was confirmed and translated for me by the tea stall guy. I am so glad he dint ask me, why do you want me to translate? :-)

Sun Signed.

Clicking on “Also read” links of some of the friends list I reached this place where a guy has a wonderfully amazing write-up on the zodiac sign prediction column writers in newspapers and magazines, It was so weird that I had thought of the exact same things he has written over there a couple of days back.

Now we all know for a fact that every sane person on this earth hates his or her job most of the time, does this chap hate his job too. I mean all a zodiac sun sign writer has to do is come into office; write twelve blocks of texts and leave? Nice eh?
I would love to have this job, but then I think he would love to have mine too?

He is so bound by boundaries, he cannot go beyond 12 signs can he? No matter how creative he feels on any particular day, he cannot go and create a couple of more sun-signs and satisfy his creative urges can he? STICK TO 12 No matter what!!!

Also some of these columns are daily, I guess these are the better lot.Some are weekly, some are monthly; I mean 12 predictions jumbled here and there across all the signs and I’m done for the month, can I get my pay check please?? Cool Job, No pressure, am sure no customer reading that prediction which went wrong would have walked in to the magazine or newspaper office asking for the writers head.

What is bad day at office for them? Just not being able to predict for Leo and Cancer?

Coffee machine conversation in a magazine office.

Zodiac writer: Man, just not able to figure out what to predict for Leo and cancer for tomorrow, have already mixed and matched all the good things for the other ten signs. Am I having a writer’s bloc? Dude I hope this is temporary... Can’t continue this way for long, appraisal is due next month and boss would rub this in for sure!

Fellow colleague: Don’t worry! Am sure it’s just a phase, remember the other writer also had the same problem couple of months back, but she’s firing all guns now.

Zodiac writer: Really? How, what did she do?

Fellow colleague: Nothing, she just took up a temporary assignment as ‘Agony aunt’ and listening to all the problems and the solutions she had new ideas on giving predictions once again, you should try something similar..


Now to the most important part of any career! Appraisals, Increments, Bonuses. What qualifies the performance ratings for these people, how are objectives set for these futur predicting guys.

Objective sheet:

• Number of times you write the same prediction for two different sun signs on the same day ! If you do this more than twice a month, BAD Rating ?
• Number of times you repeat the same prediction for different sun signs within a given time-period! you do this more than once a month, No BONUS !

Appraisal discussion

Manager: Buddy, your performance over the past quarter has not been so good; I hope you are aware of that.

Writer: Oh ya! Just read my prediction for my sun-sign for the today, Heated arguments with seniors expected, Money may not come your way easily. How close can anyone get to that boss?

Manager: Well, we are here to discuss consistency and not a one off on target prediction, your goof ups and repetitive predictions have been given me nightmares. I have letters from readers of the magazine that the zodiac sign column is clichéd.

Writer: Anyway, there is hardly any room for creativity; you have set strict boundaries which I am not allowed to transcend. I had once written “People committing adultery would get caught red-handed today” and that day one of the top boss of this magazine was actually caught getting naughty with his secretary and all the right people in this office kicked me in all the wrong places, my backside still pains sometimes.
This is the best anyone can do, and I can’t get any better than this.

Manager: Well if it gives some solace to you, be happy that your prediction for your sun sign is coming out to be true today, Money will really be hard to come by your way chap !

Writer: Whatever, be sure you read my predictions for your sun-sign tomorrow!!!!!

To and Fro I GO.............

Over the past few weeks, the traffic in Bangalore has been getting from worst to something which is best not talked about. I spend about 4 hrs average with my cab driver ; that is a tad less than what I spend with my wife(free time per day). Now is that not horrible. Earlier when I used to start from office in the evenings, I used to call up my wife and ask “So! What’s for dinner?”, rather I should actually be asking, “So! What’s for breakfast tomorrow morning? “. But, crib, curse or whine, there is actually nothing one can do, but to sit in that cab and wait for the traffic to move and the honking to end! Over a period of time I have devised a few things to keep myself busy in the cab... Here goes…..


1. How am I driving sticker! There are these stickers on all corporate cabs “How am I driving?” “Am I Rash?” “Give Feedback on 184830” etc etc, I wonder if some one actually calls such numbers and gives any feedback. So when I am stuck there with nothing to do, I have called such numbers and given them some feedback about the cab in front of me. No luck many times, either the mobile # is not reachable, or the person who picks up the call had already quit the job and was no longer responsible for taking feedback for that cab :-)

2. A thing which guarantees you about a hour of non stop chatter is asking the cab driver where he is from and how did he make his journey from his village to the IT capital of Bangalore. Some stories are genuinely touching, some are made up, and some make you laugh. But they guarantee you an early ride back home and some respect you in a very special way for hearing them for one hour. And from the next day, the cabbie does not seem irritated on you when you reach your pickup point a good ten minutes late!

3. My cell phone has about 157 ways of making noise. What better time than now to listen to each one of them and choose how my cell should ring when my wife calls, when my friends call and how to growl when my boss calls? Go on changing, scrolling through each of the tones. Now, you should also realise that is not a polite thing to do and it disturbs others who are busy gazing outside the window or dozing. After about 20 rings, ask a loud polite question,”Hey! Am I disturbing you’ll?” . No one has ever replied with a YES to this question, but their expressions always say YES YOU IDIOT! SHUT THAT CRAP, OR WE ARE GONNA THROW YOU OUT!

4. Read all sign boards you can see from the window , bumper stickers loudly, if boredom is too much spell out each board. Read number plates of the vehicle in front.

5. If sitting on the front seat, keep changing radio channels... If behind... Keep nudging the driver or the person in front seat to change channels... Tell them the correct channel name and number; flaunt your general knowledge :-) ... Once the channel of your choice is on... Sit back... Sigh a relief... And grin.

6. Open up a pack of chocolates or biscuits... Eat alone... Look around... But do not share... Enjoy the sadistic pleasure of getting those hungry greedy glares. Buddy if you ask I shall give, So don’t give me those greedy stares!

7. CURSE....LOUDLY... The government for horrible state of affairs in the city...the organization for setting campus so far from the city...the transport department for setting up horrible pickup routes where you go from one corner to another picking colleagues

These things have helped me so far to keep my sanity in the long journeys, well yet to see how many days before I go mad or change my job or change my house somewhere near… Till then I would continue with these and if I am bored with these, well I will think of a few more :-)

Bad Day....Good Day....

A bad... Sad Monday has begun.

Bought milk from the neighbourhood store as usual and instead of dumping it on the kitchen platform as I do always, I thought of going the extra mile to help mrs save some time by helping in emptying the packets and heating it.

Well what followed was some more work for Mrs. As I was expertly poring the packet into a vessel, my hand hit the vessel and splashed the milk in about a 100 mts radius. Well I didn’t wait there for help with cleaning the mess, lest I should do more damage. I ran for safety :-)

So much for being of help. But she was sweet enough to keep her cool :-).. Does that make this a good day?

Another thing, have forgotten my wallet at home, will have to arrange for borrowed meals and snacks today. So does that make it a good day ? :-)

Lesson for the day: All Bad Things have happy endings :-)

I am sorry... Teacher......

Well, What comes as a surprise to most of my friends is that I was a very very naughty student during my school days. I was punished almost every other day, I was never sitting on the bench that was meant for me ! I was either standing on it, or standing out of the class, or kneeling down near the teacher’s desk.

I have been punished by almost all the teachers I had, but yet in some ways I was their pet student too.

For the past few days, I’ve been nostalgic about one such teacher, whose life I made miserable in the classroom. My 8th standard Biology teacher ; Mrs. Shyamala.

Once, when she caught me doing one of my stupid pranks, She walked down to my bench, caught me by my ear and dragged me all the way to her desk. Usually I used to enjoy this stupid attention, when the whole class watched and giggled. YES! I am shameless :-) , But that day for I don’t know what reason, I was in a very pensive mood, and I almost burst into tears. She was more shocked at seeing me this way, than I was at what was happening.

I kept saying sorry, and that this is the first time I had done, whatever I was caught doing that day! And something she said in response to my pleads that day has been etched in memory.

“Everything has a first time, even bad things, Don’t do them, even for the first time”

But as I said earlier, I am shameless. I have done many bad things even after that, not only for the first time but many times even after that.

So.. This post is dedicated to Mrs. Shyamala my 8th standard biology teacher. Miss.. I hope you read this, And if you do… I am sorry for being such a horrible student, I hope you remember me and have forgiven me !

Hot Coffee .. Anyone ?

Simple office conversations that I overhear sitting at my cubicle or ones that someone gossip about at coffee junction are so hilarious.

The story goes in one office that there is this IT manager whom we shall call 'R' and he has some open positions in his team that are not getting filled for a looooong time, and he is OH SO! Pissed off with the HR female whom we shall call 'P'... and I have this story first-hand from ‘P’;

Scene I; Act I :-) R has walked into the HR work area to complain about 'P to her manager, all fretting and fuming...

R: It has been so many days since I raised the resource request, but I still have no CV's to process; how do you expect me to work like this

HR Manager: Take it easy Buddy, you know how it works; It is a hot skill that you are asking for. It takes time for us to source such CV's

R: I don’t know; I have to escalate this to Head of HR now, only that will get me some results I guess. It’s useless talking the same thing to 'P' again and again

P: Why are you getting so mad on me; I am doing my best, you have no clarity on the role you want, and you keep changing it yourself.

R: You don’t tell me what I know or not, learn to accept your mistakes

P: OKAY!!!!! 'R' Chill... I will do my best to close your position soon; Come.. Cool down and let’s go have some hot coffee

R: 'P'... I have come here all hot for you, and you want me to drink HOT coffee and become Hotter on you? I will be difficult to handle belive me!!!

P: #%^$&$%@#$

Me.........giggling since I listened to this :-)

Terror Terror on the Wall....

September 11 2001…

So! It’s been six years since Uncle Sam saw and experienced the pain of terror on their shores for the last time…..The punishment they inflicted on the perpetrators was so severe that they have ensured; at least till date that no one dares or plans any such attack on its citizens.

March 12 1993…

So! 14 years have passed since India saw its first but not the last taste of terrorism on its soil. The punishment we have inflicted on the perpetrators is so severe that Bollywood cannot release some of its unfinished movies as Sanjay Dutt got convicted. Most of the other convicts were mere puppets in the sinister terror plot. The masterminds who got away with this have by now realized that no harm is coming their way for sure…

If you follow the chronology of the terror attacks on Mumbai even when the trial was on-going for the 03/12 blasts, you would realize that India (Mumbai) has been struck at will.


The question is WHY? Why has the USA managed to keep it self safe ever since 09/11 and why are we sitting ducks.

The reason is simple, a sheer lack of will among the political leaders to see the bigger picture of national security and not politicize death.

Typical Indian reaction to subsequent terror attacks

• Call for a City/State/National Bandh to protest the inadequacy of the ruling government. SIR!!! Please grow up, or please explain how this will help.
• Walkout in the state assembly / Lok sabha / Rajya sabha. SIR!! Instead of walking out, can you please sit inside and discuss and decide how collectively you can tame this menace?
• FLASH NEWS!!! Terror Attack in Mumbai… RED ALERT in all Major cities…. Helloooo…. I don’t know about you, but I surely know Mr. Terrorist is smart enough not to fall for this
• FLASH NEWS!!! Terror attack in Varanasi Temple…. Security tightened at siddhivinayak temple in Mumbai.. PLEASE PLEASE PLEAASEEEE!!!! Hmm how many days, before the lone havaldar with a stupid metal detector goes back to his beedi smoking breaks?
  
  I would go on and on about the way in which we react[?], but that’s not the point here. Unless and until definite punitive action is taken, we are there to be blasted and blown….

Hope this ends soon..... for us... for everyone... Prayers for the dead and victims of terrorist attacks.

Environment friendly Dhaba

A menu card i chanced upon on my way from Hampi to Bangalore.... This is not the first time i've come across such funny menu cards, but never bothered to capture them in pictures... from now on.. YES !!!!

Well the snap is not that good as taken from a cell, but if possible strain and see the red circle, and also check the different spelling for snacks!